| Good son fights for all neglected parents | |
| The Straits Times (May 7, 2010) | |
| Nur Dianah Suhaimi |
EVERY week without fail, PAP Member of Parliament and NTUC FairPrice supermarket chief Seah Kian Peng will clip the toenails of his elderly and sickly father.
His 81-year-old father, who lives with him in his Serangoon Gardens semi-detached home, has trouble reaching his toenails and shaving himself.
No matter how tied up he is with work, constituency events and social engagements, Mr Seah makes time to perform this duty for the man who brought him up and made him what he is today.
If there is any parliamentarian who exemplifies filial piety, it must be Mr Seah, 48, the third of four children.
This explains why, without any hesitation, he took up the challenge of streng-thening the Maintenance of Parents Act.
The Act enables parents who are above 60 years old and unable to support themselves to claim maintenance from their children.
But the Tribunal for the Maintenance of Parents has limited powers. Mr Seah, who chairs the Government Parliamentary Committee (GPC) for Community Development, Youth and Sports, wants to give more teeth to the tribunal to track down errant children.
He was moved by not only his strong beliefs in family values, but also the plight of neglected elderly parents who sought his help at his Meet-the-People sessions week after week.
As the first-term Marine Parade GRC MP - who looks after Braddell Heights constituency - relates, the 'more fortunate' ones complain about not receiving maintenance from their children. The more pitiful ones are those deprived of food and shelter after being driven out of their children's homes.
He explains why he took up the legislative gauntlet: 'I guess it was just building up. Each week, whether it is at the Meet-the-People sessions or block visits, I get reminded of such incidents. Something has to be done to protect this small but vulnerable group of elderly citizens.'
At a session just last week, he came face to face with a homeless elderly and ailing couple in their 60s.
They had sold their flat three years ago and used the proceeds to pay off their children's debts. Now, both their son and daughter are uncontactable, leaving the old couple to fend for themselves.
They move from one relative's home to another, leaving each time they have overstayed their welcome. Moving around is especially difficult for the man as he is wheelchair-bound.
Some people may think that the couple acted foolishly when they sold off their flat to pay off their children's debts. But as a parent himself, Mr Seah says he can empathise.
'Most parents will do anything to help their children. Even if they have only a dollar left, they will give it to their children instead of keeping it for themselves. Their love for their children has no limits, so much so that they don't think of themselves or their needs,' says the father of two teenagers, aged 16 and 19.
He has seen many cases of elderly parents who sold their flats and distributed the sales proceeds among their children, and those who transferred the ownership of their flats to their children, only to be driven out later.
Given all these sad encounters, he could not help offering two pieces of hard-headed advice to elderly folk: Firstly, never sell or transfer ownership of your home; and secondly, be financially independent as far as possible.
Despite coming across so many parental neglect cases, he believes that the majority of Singaporeans are filial.
His strong advocacy of family and social values is evident in his parliamentary speeches. He had proposed paternity leave and child sick leave for fathers, more public assistance for the needy and more government resources to boost the birth rate.
Caring by example
MR SEAH does not have to look far to see filial piety in action. His multi-generation extended family is a shining example of how their members have treated and are treating their elderly parents.
Both his maternal grandparents were bedridden before they died. Yet up to their last days, their eight children took care of them at home without the help of nurses or domestic helpers.
'The amount of devotion and love that they showed really put me to shame. Day after day, my parents, aunts and uncles cared for my grandparents. They were the caregivers, nurses and maids,' he recalls.
Today, Mr Seah and his three siblings try their best to emulate their parents.
His father and mother, 78, live with him. His two sisters live in the house next door and are their parents' main caregivers. His younger brother, who works in the United States, calls home every other day.
It is the same arrangement for his parents-in-law who live nearby in Hougang. They share a home with one of their sons while another son lives next door. Their two other children are a stone's throw away. Every weekend, the family gathers for dinner.
Living with his parents and near his siblings is an arrangement that has benefited everyone, he notes.
His parents used to take care of his children while he and his wife, an accountant, worked. Now that his parents are older and need help, he and his siblings share the responsibility of caring for them.
He acknowledges that as families get smaller, the burden of caring for elderly parents will become greater for each child.
His grandparents were bedridden but they had eight children to care for them. His parents are sickly but they have four children to look after their needs.
Mr Seah has two children - a son and a daughter - and he regrets not having more.
'In hindsight, I should have had a third child. But back then, it was not easy. My wife and I were working and we were worried we won't have enough time for the children,' he says.
But he is optimistic that his two children will 'do the right thing' one day.
'When we inculcate the right values in them, be good role models and show it with our actions on a consistent basis, they will do the right thing.'
He says he learnt this from his parents who never lectured him and his siblings on filial piety. Instead, they unknowingly passed on these lessons when they took care of their own parents.
Giving back
MR SEAH still remembers the day he received his first pay and gave part of it to his parents.
It might have been only a token sum from his meagre national service allowance but the feeling was 'like getting your first credit card, like you have arrived'.
'For the first time, I was no longer on the receiving end. I was giving back and I could finally relieve some of my family's burden,' he says.
To him, giving back was important because his elders had sacrificed so much.
He was born into a poor family. His father worked in a printing company while his mother took up piecemeal sewing jobs from a factory to supplement the family's income. Home was a three-room flat in Aljunied.
During his childhood, he recalls, his parents would eat less so that their four children could have more. Often, during Chinese New Year, he and his siblings would get new garments while their parents would put on their shabby old clothes.
It was not just his parents who made sacrifices. Both his elder sisters studied at Raffles Girls' School and did well in their A-level examinations, but gave up their chance of a university education and went straight to work.
The young Seah studied hard to clinch a Colombo Plan scholarship so that his parents and sisters would not be burdened by his school expenses. The Raffles Institution boy attended the University of New South Wales, Australia, and graduated with a building degree.
As a student, he struggled to earn some money so that he could contribute to the family's income.
'I've tried almost everything. I've been a painter, kitchen helper, stocktaker, tuition teacher, and I've even worked at a laundry shop,' he confesses, laughing.Perhaps this explains why even today, he has no qualms about getting his hands dirty. Before the interview, while walking along the corridors of his FairPrice office in Upper Thomson, he bent down twice to pick up litter.
He served his eight-year bond in a Government-owned engineering firm, the Defence Ministry and the National Trades Union Congress (NTUC).
It was the late president Ong Teng Cheong, then NTUC chief, who took him into the labour movement in 1992.
He was roped into politics in 2006 and became head of the FairPrice supermarket chain in 2007.
These days, money is no longer an issue for him but time is - so many people to see, things to do, events to attend.
But no matter how time-starved he is, he knows that his family always comes first.
Each week when he meets his constituents and sees case after case of parental neglect, he makes a mental note to himself to spend more time with his parents and children.
'One thing about being an MP - we see too many examples and cases which serve as proxy reminders,' he says.
However, he acknowledges that juggling priorities is something that is easy to talk about but difficult to do.
This is when he reminds himself of death: 'When one is on the verge of going to the next world and if asked what he would have done differently, he would not say that he wished he had made an extra million dollars. But he would probably say that he regrets not spending more time with his family.
'When my time comes, I don't want to have that regret.'
ndianah@sph.com.sg
This article was first published in the Straits Times.